I’ve been living in Italy for nearly 2 weeks now. Living here doesn’t feel much different than when I visit every year except now we have our own home (which I adore BTW). The first week was a lot of running around, cleaning and paperwork and in between all that, we were visiting with family. It was lovely but it was a lot!
My primary focus aside from registering all the proper paperwork to live here was to set up our home. For me, having a sacred space I can retreat to is necessary, especially when I’m dealing with so much. I’m sure many of you feel the same way. So, that’s what I did until it was done to my liking. Once that was done, I retreated and that’s when my complex feeling started to settle in.
There are no feelings of regret or “shit, what did I do?” rather a somber/anxious feeling. I was realizing just how much work I have to do to integrate myself and speak the language and how aside from my home there is no more being comfortable. I could easily see how if I didn’t have a three year old pushing me outside my comfort zone everyday, I may have stayed in the house much longer. To be honest I was surprised by this reaction. I thought I would feel more excited to practice my Italian and walk around and explore. Then I did some research and even asked friends that have already done this and it seems pretty normal.
I could hear my inner wisdom telling me to not get in my own way and embrace it, jump all in. Then, my friend who did this same move seven years ago, told me the same thing.
Many people have told me I’m brave because I make bold choices in life but honestly it’s the fear of not living boldly and dying with regret that scared me more. I don’t feel brave. Honestly, I feel scared and anxious more that you know, I just force myself to step through it. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are times I do a lot of kicking a screaming along the way. I am human after all. I’m also a very sensitive being and get overwhelmed by my feelings at times but in the end I’d rather do the thing that sparks me even if it scares me.
Helen Keller once said, “Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run that outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.”
What big “thing” is calling your name that you have been putting off in the name of fear? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!
